Where and With Whom am I Failing to Show Up Authentically?

by Sheila on July 19, 2011

Today I will come out from behind myself into my conversations and make them real.

I will speak of the things that are on my mind and in my heart, including those that seem risky.

While we all often fear “real,” it is the unreal conversation that should scare us to death! No one is forced to change in these conversations, but everyone has to have the conversation.  When it is “real,” the change begins to occur before the conversation is even over.

On of my favorite quotes by Rumi:

“Out beyond ideas of wrong doing and right doing, there is a field.  I’ll meet you there.”

The right questions for a real conversation are important.  Answered thoughtfully and candidly, these questions offer the possibility of a life that is much more.  As a leader or as a lover, you must answer these questions for yourself first.

Here are some important questions to begin with yourself:

Where am I going?

Why am I going there?

Who is going with me?

How am I going to get there?

Am I realizing my full potential?

Am I fully extended in my capabilities?

Is there value and fulfillment in my work today?

What unmet needs am I moved and positioned to meet?

I have found in my work with clients and myself that we often most fear the journey of discovering who we are or the impermance of who we are now and fearing change.

Successful relationships require that all parties view getting their core needs met as being legitimate.

I read a quote recently that roughly said, “The truth shall set you free – but first it may irritate the hell out of you!” Funny!

Here are  a couple of assignments to consider:

Assignment #1

Annie Dillard wrote, “How we spend our days is how we spend our lives.” How are you spending your days, your life?  Write down how you feel about yourself, your life and your work – several words or phrases should capture your thoughts and emotions.   Fill in the blanks:


My LIfe

My Work

Assignment #2

There is an idea of a “stump speech.”  In a fave movie of mine, Bull Durham, Kevin Costner’s memorable “I believe” speech still makes me swoon –I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days…” Okay now.

For our stump speech, let’s consider these:  

Where am I going? Why am I going there? Who is going with me? How will I get there?

It can be helpful to look at this exercise as if you are the director of a movie.  What is the plot? What is the story? What is the arc? What is the ending? Knowing where we believe we want to head sets up the fun of the unforseen…because plans have a way of…!

I will share my stump speech next week after I do this exercise.

I leave with this:

All conversations are with myself, and sometimes they involve other people. The truth is that we don’t necessarily see things as they are; we see things as WE ARE.

And our perception is our truth and reality for all of us.  It is helpful to keep this in mind when talking with others. They see it this way and we might be perplexed! Like, did we just watch or hear the same thing??  The truth is we did and because of our genetics and history, we see things differently.



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